At Vaguely Strategic™, we believe no lead is ever truly gone—just waiting in the Graveyard CRM™.
Developed during a brief ethical lapse and a long lunch, Graveyard CRM™ is our proprietary contact resurrection system designed to re-engage lapsed, ghosted, or deeply deceased leads with just the right amount of disregard.
☠️ What Is Graveyard CRM™?
It’s more than a database. It’s a haunted house of broken pipelines, forgotten contacts, and that one guy who unsubscribed 17 times.
Graveyard CRM™ reconnects your sales team with:
- Former leads
- Former clients
- Formerly living
We call this Cold Calling From Beyond™.
📞 Real Features. Allegedly.
- Ectoplasmic Lead Warming
Our AI gently nudges long-dead contacts with subject lines like “Just checking in from the afterlife” and “Have you moved on… or can we?” - Seance Scheduling Tool™
Automatically assigns calendar slots to reps so they can contact leads from Q2 2009. - Post-Mortem Analytics
Learn which dead leads almost converted, then bother them anyway.
🧟♂️ Real Experience, Sadly
A recent user of the system received a call from a rep referring to interest they had expressed… years ago.
The twist?
- The data was hopelessly outdated
- The contact details barely existed
- The rep confidently said:
“We noticed you recently expressed interest.”
…Which was true—if “recent” means before GDPR was invented
🔄 Why Do We Use Graveyard CRM™?
Because metrics don’t measure embarrassment.
And because sometimes, it’s easier to call the dead than generate new leads.
🪦 Is Graveyard CRM™ Right for You?
Absolutely not. But we’ll probably sell it to you anyway.
Try Graveyard CRM™ free for 14 ghost cycles. Or until your sales team revolts.
Graveyard CRM™. Because somewhere, someone might still pick up the phone.
Tags:
#GraveyardCRM #CustomerReAnimation #SalesNecromancy #VaguelyStrategic #LeadDecaySolutions