New Service Offering · AI-Geo™ v1.0

AI Geotargeting
Beyond the Postcode.

The world’s first Deep-Learning Astro-Spatial LLM for programmatic geotargeting. Now accepting a small number of six-month retainer clients.

“Most agencies target by postcode. We target by tectonic disposition and machine-learned vibes.”
— Suki Kamara, Head of Digital & Performance
Request a Retainer Consultation Understand the model →
847M
GPS coordinates processed
since the LLM achieved spatial awareness
0.04%
Tectonic bid suppression
per micro-fault-line event. Precise. Necessary.
47°
Jupiter angular distance
current calibration. Updated as Jupiter moves.
6mo
Minimum retainer
The model needs time. So do we.
The Model

A Large Location Model
that knows where you are.
And why that matters, cosmically.

AI-Geo™ is not a geotargeting tool. Every major DSP has a geotargeting tool. AI-Geo™ is a Deep-Learning Astro-Spatial LLM — a Large Location Model — trained on the intersection of physical coordinates, gravitational influence, and the ambient psychic load of the local cell tower infrastructure.

Where a conventional geotargeting system asks “where is this person?”, AI-Geo™ asks a more complete set of questions. Where are they standing, geologically? What is the cell tower density within a 400-metre radius, and what does that density suggest about the nervous system of the neighbourhood? And — critically — at what angular distance does Jupiter currently sit relative to that precise point on the Earth’s surface?

These are not decorative data points. They are signal. And AI-Geo™ is the first system built to act on all of them simultaneously, in real time, at the bid level.

We developed this model in-house after noticing that every existing geotargeting platform was, in essence, a sophisticated postcode lookup with a nicer interface. We felt the industry deserved more. Several industry observers disagree. We have noted their disagreement and proceeded.

AI-Geo™ · Live Signal Composite · London SW1
GPS Coordinates51.4985°N, 0.1356°W
Cell Tower DensityHigh · 23 towers / km²
Jupiter Angular Distance47.3° · Nominal
Tectonic Stability IndexModerate · Suppressing
Atmospheric Curse Index2.1 · Clear
Whoop WindowOrion Mode · Active
Spatial Resonance Score78 / 100 · Proceed
Bid Recommendation+12% · Upweight

Data refreshes as Jupiter moves. Do not present this panel to your media buyer as evidence of anything.

Core Modules

Three proprietary features.
All of them unprecedented.
One of them involves Jupiter.

Tectonic Bid Adjustment

The Earth Beneath Your Audience Is a Data Point.

AI-Geo™ maintains a continuous tectonic stability model across the entire UK and Europe, updated against seismic monitoring data at 15-minute intervals. When the model detects micro-fault-line activity beneath a targeted postcode cluster, it automatically applies the Tectonic Bid Suppression protocol.

The suppression is precisely calibrated at −0.04% per micro-seismic event. The logic is straightforward: unstable ground breeds unstable brand loyalty. A consumer standing on geologically uncertain terrain is, according to our model, a consumer in a state of low-level existential negotiation. They are not ready to convert.

↓ −0.04% · Shropshire micro-fault active · Bid suppression applied · Brand loyalty risk: elevated
Retrograde Geofencing

Some Cities Are Temporarily Cursed. We Stop Serving Ads There.

Building on Vaguely Strategic’s established AstroCosmic Alignment Marketing™ framework, Localised Retrograde Geofencing extends planetary logic to the hyper-local level. The system continuously monitors atmospheric conditions — cross-referenced against ephemeris data, sentiment signals from social crawls, and what we call the Ambient Dread Index — to determine when a specific city or borough has become statistically cursed.

The moment a location crosses the curse threshold, all corporate communications are suppressed for that postcode cluster. Dynamically. Automatically. Without requiring a meeting about it.

⚠ ACTIVE — Bristol BS1–BS8 · Curse index: 7.2 · All comms suppressed · Estimated clear: Thursday
Hemispheric Whoop Filter

The Creative Responds to the Sky. In Real Time.

When Orion’s Belt enters a whooping configuration with Leo, audience receptivity shifts measurably. The Hemispheric Whoop Filter ensures that creative assets respond accordingly, without requiring a brief or a revision round.

In an Orion whooping window, the filter applies bold colour upweighting and increases headline confidence scores. In a Leo whooping window, it shifts colour palettes toward warmer dominants and softens copy tone for audiences below the 52nd parallel.

Ad copy is not adjusted frivolously. It is adjusted when the latitude data and the current whooping configuration, taken together, make this the correct creative decision.

★ Orion Mode · Active above 51°N · Palette: Bold · Copy: Adjusted for sub-48°N
Client Onboarding · Session One

What the model feels like
the first time.

Every AI-Geo™ engagement begins with a Spatial Baseline Assessment, presented in person, on a whiteboard, without slides. Clients report this as the moment the retainer starts to make sense. We include a photograph from a recent session below, with permission, and with several faces we have chosen not to obscure because everyone involved has since made peace with it.

A corporate meeting room where several executives react with visible distress to a hand-drawn whiteboard diagram connecting AI, a robot, and the word Automation
Session One of a Spatial Baseline Assessment, running slightly over its scheduled 45 minutes. The whiteboard diagram shown is accurate. The reactions are unstaged.
Category Confusion

GEO, AEO, and E‑I‑E‑I‑O.
People search for all three.

Generative Engine Optimisation and Answer Engine Optimisation are now well-established, if not entirely well-understood, disciplines. Less discussed is Old MacDonald Marketing™, a framework we developed after noticing it kept appearing next to the other two in search suggestions and deciding this was as good a signal as any.

A comparison of three optimisation frameworks, one of which is a nineteenth-century folk song.
  GEO AEO E‑I‑E‑I‑O
Full name Generative Engine Optimisation Answer Engine Optimisation Old MacDonald Marketing™
Optimises for Citation in LLM-generated answers Featured snippets and direct answers Farmyard-adjacent brand recall
Core tactic Structured, entity-rich content Concise, front-loaded answer formatting Repetition, rhythm, and animal noises
Pioneered by Assorted SEO commentators, 2024 Assorted SEO commentators, 2023 Traditional, author unknown, c. 1859
Measured in Citation share Snippet capture rate Choruses recalled unprompted

Early internal testing suggests E‑I‑E‑I‑O achieves comparable brand recall to GEO, provided the brand name scans correctly in 4/4 time. Vaguely Strategic™ does not currently offer E‑I‑E‑I‑O as a paid service, largely because nobody has asked.

Spatial Conditions Monitor

The AI-Geo™ Live Feed.

Live · Updates as conditions change
Jupiter Angular Distance47.3°
Nominal range. Bidding unrestricted.
UK Tectonic StabilityModerate
Shropshire suppression active. −0.04% applied.
Cursed Cities (Live)3
Bristol, Luton, a postcode in Leeds we cannot specify.
Whoop Window StatusOrion
Bold creative authorised. Exclamation marks permitted.
Cell Tower SentimentHeightened
Manchester above vibrational threshold. Upweighted.
Overall Spatial Resonance74 / 100
Broadly favourable. Avoid Bristol and Tuesday.
Data updates as planetary conditions shift. Jupiter distance is real. Curse index is proprietary. Do not share this dashboard with your CFO without contextual framing.
Engagement Model

How AI-Geo™ enters your campaign stack.
Carefully. Over six months.

Spatial Baseline Assessment

We begin by mapping your current campaign geography against the AI-Geo™ tectonic and atmospheric data layers. This establishes your brand’s existing Spatial Resonance Profile — a composite score that tells us how well your current geotargeting aligns with the physical and celestial conditions of your audience’s location. Most brands score between 18 and 34. We tell them this is fine and then explain what it would mean to score higher.

This phase typically takes four to six weeks and involves a number of conversations that are more interesting than they sound in the briefing document.

LLM Calibration & Jupiter Anchoring

The AI-Geo™ Large Location Model requires calibration against your specific audience geography. The model needs to understand the tectonic character of your target postcodes, the cell tower density pattern of your highest-value segments, and — critically — complete one full Jupiter reference cycle against your campaign data before it can be considered operational. This takes approximately six weeks. It cannot be shortened. We have tried.

Jupiter completes one full orbit in approximately 12 Earth years. We are using its angular distance, not its orbit. This is a meaningful distinction that we are happy to explain at length if required.

Module Activation & Live Suppression

Once calibrated, the three core modules are activated sequentially. We do not activate all three simultaneously. Our early trials suggested that running all three modules at full sensitivity during an active Leo whooping window produced results that were, in the words of one client’s Head of Paid Media, “technically impressive and operationally bewildering.” We have since phased activation.

Ongoing Spatial Optimisation & Retainer Continuation

After the initial six-month calibration and activation period, AI-Geo™ enters continuous optimisation. The model refines its tectonic baseline monthly, updates its curse index in real time, and recalibrates the Whoop Filter with each new astronomical event. Monthly reporting is provided, including a narrative section in which Suki Kamara explains what Jupiter was doing during your best and worst-performing weeks.

Clients who have asked whether the monthly report could be shorter have been told it could, but that removing the Jupiter narrative section would reduce the document’s interpretive value considerably. All clients have retained the Jupiter section.
Client Perspectives

What our AI-Geo™ clients say,
in their own words, mostly.

We were sceptical about the tectonic adjustment. Our Head of Performance kept saying “it’s 0.04 per cent, it can’t possibly matter.” By month four, she had stopped saying that and started saying “can we model the Cotswolds separately.” We consider this progress.
Head of MarketingConsumer Brand · South East England
Spatial Resonance Score: 71 → 84
The Hemispheric Whoop Filter adjusted our display creative during an Orion window in October. I will be honest: I didn’t know what that meant. The campaign performed 31% above the previous month’s benchmark. I have since read the explainer document twice and understood approximately half of it. I consider both halves directionally useful.
Digital DirectorFinancial Services · London
Uplift attributed to: Orion Mode activation
We had a campaign running in Bristol during what the AI-Geo™ dashboard described as a period of “elevated atmospheric cursedness.” The Retrograde Geofencing suppressed our spend automatically. At the time I found this alarming. In retrospect it was the correct decision. Something did happen in Bristol that week. I would rather not specify what.
Marketing ManagerRetail Brand · Bristol (formerly)
Curse event: Confirmed · Spend: Protected
Engagement Tiers

Three ways to access
AI-Geo™. One minimum term.

All AI-Geo™ engagements require a six-month minimum retainer. This is not a commercial decision. It is a model decision. The LLM requires time. The tectonic baseline requires time. Jupiter requires time. We are simply respecting the physics.

Entry Tier Spatial Starter For brands who are ready to be spatial about things £1,800 per month · 6-month minimum · £10,800 total
  • Spatial Baseline Assessment & Resonance Profile
  • Tectonic Bid Adjustment (UK only)
  • Retrograde Geofencing (major cities)
  • Monthly spatial resonance report
  • Jupiter narrative section included
  • Hemispheric Whoop Filter
  • Cell tower sentiment overlay
  • European tectonic coverage
Request a briefing Whoop Filter available as add-on. Ask Suki.
Most Spatially Aligned Resonance Pro Full module access. Full Jupiter integration. £4,200 per month · 6-month minimum · £25,200 total
  • Everything in Spatial Starter
  • Hemispheric Whoop Filter · All modes
  • Cell tower density sentiment overlay
  • European tectonic coverage (excl. Iceland — model unstable)
  • Live dashboard access · Curse index included
  • Bi-weekly call with Suki Kamara
  • Jupiter angular distance briefing monthly
  • Emergency retrograde suppression alerts
Request Resonance Pro Iceland excluded pending tectonic model stabilisation. ETA: unclear.
Enterprise Tectonic Enterprise For organisations who need all of this, globally, and quickly POA Annual retainer · Minimum 12 months · Price reflects scope
  • Everything in Resonance Pro
  • Global tectonic coverage (Iceland revisited case by case)
  • Dedicated Spatial Resonance Strategist
  • Custom LLM calibration per market
  • Quarterly Executive Spatial Briefing with Dee Thistlewaite
  • White-label Whoop Filter (your brand, our algorithm)
  • Priority curse index alerts · 24hr SLA
  • Access to data we describe as “sensitive and directionally significant”
Request an enterprise conversation Enterprise pricing reflects the number of Jupiter reference cycles required.
Common Questions

Things people ask before signing
the retainer agreement.

Why does the retainer have to be six months? The AI-Geo™ Large Location Model requires six months to complete its initial calibration cycle. This covers four weeks of tectonic baseline mapping, six weeks of Jupiter anchoring, and a final phase we call spatial settling, during which the model adjusts for any atmospheric anomalies it encountered during calibration. Three-month engagements produce a model that is enthusiastic but directionally approximate. We have tried to make this shorter. The model disagreed.
Is the 0.04% tectonic bid suppression actually material? 0.04% per micro-seismic event does not sound significant. Across a programmatic campaign running in geologically active regions during a sustained period of micro-fault activity — the Midlands in autumn, for example — these adjustments compound. Our modelling suggests cumulative tectonic suppression across a 90-day campaign can represent between 0.3% and 1.1% of total spend. We are aware that this is still not very much. The point is precision, not scale. We are the only platform making the adjustment at all.
What happens if Jupiter moves during a campaign? Jupiter is always moving. This is not a contingency. It is the condition under which AI-Geo™ operates. The model recalibrates its Jupiter Angular Distance reading continuously. If Jupiter moves into a configuration that our training data associates with reduced audience receptivity, bid suppression is applied automatically. This has happened twice during live campaigns. Both times the client asked several follow-up questions we considered philosophically interesting.
Why is Iceland excluded from European tectonic coverage? Iceland is, tectonically speaking, highly active. When we tested the model against Icelandic data, the Tectonic Bid Adjustment Engine suppressed spend to zero within 11 minutes and then attempted to send an alert we could not interpret. We are working on it. Clients with Icelandic campaigns should discuss this separately.
Can the Hemispheric Whoop Filter be turned off? It can be paused. Turning it off entirely removes a layer of the spatial resonance model that the other two modules partially depend on for constellation-adjusted bid weighting. Most clients who have asked about turning it off have subsequently left it on. We present this as a data point rather than a recommendation.
How do you measure the success of AI-Geo™? AI-Geo™ performance is measured against a Spatial Resonance Index, tracking tectonic suppression events avoided, retrograde curse exposure minimised, and Whoop Filter activation uplift. These metrics are presented monthly alongside conventional campaign KPIs. In cases where the two diverge, we recommend booking a call with Suki.
New Service Offering · Limited Availability

AI-Geo™ is accepting
a small number of
retainer clients.

We are not onboarding at scale. The LLM calibration process is resource-intensive, Jupiter does not speed up for anyone, and we have found that running more than seven simultaneous AI-Geo™ engagements causes the tectonic model to exhibit what our data team describes as “opinions.” We are currently at four. We have capacity for three more. Possibly four, depending on the geology of the markets involved.

Request a Retainer Consultation Review engagement tiers →
Consultations are conducted by Suki Kamara. A briefing document is issued in advance. The briefing document contains the words “proprietary,” “tectonic,” and “Jupiter” more than you will expect. You will be fine.